Confessions of a D&D Nerd

Hello, my name is Lyndsey and I have recently started playing Dungeons and Dragons. (Hello, Lyndsey.) It’s been 3 days since I last played and I already miss it.

I never ever thought I would be a Dungeons & Dragons player. Growing up, D&D felt like the final frontier of Nerdom and I wasn’t a nerd in the stereotypical sense of the word (a theatre nerd and a bookworm, yes but not of the Sheldon variety).

But then in my teens I discovered Star Wars and fantasy novels. Han Solo rocked my adolescent world and my favourite thing to do was get lost in a magical literary universe. But I had a handle on it. I mean, everyone loves Star Wars, right? And a little fantasy never hurt anyone.

In my twenties, I started experimenting with shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly. I loved how I felt when I watched them. The escape. And the way that fantasy and sci-fi worlds can illuminate human nature and focus your moral compass by forcing you to ask yourself questions like “If I were to become a vampire, would I kill and suck dry the blood of all my family and friends?”

Eventually, this lead to an intake of Star Trek. I didn’t binge watch it, just a few episodes a week. And it was the Next Generation so it’s not like I was die-hard. This is what I told myself.

It was a slow transition into the World of Nerd and I didn’t really see it coming. I mean, I came from a normal home. Parents still together, average grades, family vacations, favourite movie was A League of Their Own, etc. My mom and dad often talked about the oddity of shows like Star Trek and I understood the ramifications but Buffy seemed harmless so how could Star Trek really do any damage?

Last year is when things started getting out of control. I started reading science-fiction novels and I even attended a Comic Con. Yes, a Comic Con. I saw Wil Wheaton and Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion and Levar Barton and they all just made it seem so cool, you know? And it just felt so good, so right.

This brings us to the present. Recently, me and a few fellow nerds decided to try D&D. We were careful about it. We got the books and spent the first little while just building our characters. But then next thing you know, I am spending an entire Sunday writing a backstory for my character (whose name is Ravastine Loreweaver, a bard and a seer) and buying my own set of game dice. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Am I Ravastine or am I Lyndsey? And if I decide to get an Arcane Familiar in the form of an owl, should I name it Merlin? These sorts of questions have taken over my rational mind and have forced me to take a good long look at who I really am.

When I’m not playing D&D, I’m just as normal as the next Normal Josephine. I like to read trashy articles about Lindsay Lohan and watch YouTube videos of people falling off things. I like Drew Barrymore movies and I even own a juicer. But when I’m not juicing and watching Never Been Kissed, I’m someone else. I’m Ravastine Loreweaver, a spirited and charismatic minstrel who inspires my allies in battle, is good with a short sword, and enjoys a cup of ale at the local dwarf tavern. Perhaps I need to accept that this is just who I am. I’m too old for it to be a foolish youthful fancy. Maybe I can be Lyndsey and Ravastine Loreweaver. Maybe I can hold down a corporate job and get back the magical box that the evil necromancer stole.

So go ahead and judge me, world, for the D&D junkie that I am. Because if being Ravastine is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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